Managing and Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

        Richard Baron

November 19, 2007

 

When thinking about conflict, I recall the scene in the movie “Fight Club” when Brad Pitt instructed his followers to “pick a fight” with a complete stranger.  The next scene depicts grown men instigating conflict with others and the strangers avoiding the conflict at any cost.  Although the scene was meant to be humorous, it demonstrates how conflict is often seen in modern society.  In this example, the victims in most cases either ran away or avoided the aggressor regardless as ridiculous the action.

I guess I’m no different among those who see conflict as an avoidable task that when conflict approaches either I jump in to deal with it quickly or avoid the issue all together.  Conflict to be seen as a constructive process in which to mediate or mutually agree is a foreign notion that brings about thoughts of an 18th century debate amoung scholars; an exercise in debate with one party simply being more clever than the other.  I being brought up in a predominately catholic environment where one respects his elders and is compliant to teachers and others, my perception of how to challenge the objectives and intentions of others is present my perspective and is counter to the compliance that my childhood would define as a good kid.  As adolescence arrived with increased conflict, I learned that conflict has solutions in which to deal with it (Noakes & Rinaldi, 2006).  Instead, it would be years later that I realized that people would take advantage of those who are compliant and perceive it as weakness instead worthy of respect. Intellectually, I understood that to directly challenge others and their goals and objectives would be necessary as I made my way through adulthood. 

Over the course of years I realized that people need to have a sense that they are being heard and it’s when people are being disregarded is where barriers are created and progress is stalled. 

I have learned that for me to deal with conflict from a desire to seek to understand (Covey, 2003), helps resolution to take place.  This give and take process in order to resolve an issue is necessary and without it, more subversive approaches may and could be utilized by others.

Although the above seems mature and enlightened, I do find myself slipping from extending courtesy when I feel as if the relationship can withstand my lack of patience or disregarding my own position when I feel the relationship is too weak to undergo strain.  This, if gone unchecked, can provide multiple complications in resolving even day to day conflict or disagreement with those closest to me.  My challenge has always been to move away from the emotional stance of the issue to the intellectual while maintaing a consistent approach to conflict with all those I encounter.  As time goes by, I realize how conflict is instead can be a process of collaboration in which differences in position can find complementary and benefit for all those involved (Derr, 1975).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

Covey, S.R. (2003, May). Seven habits revisited. Executive Excellence, 20(5), 7.  Retrieved

 

November 13, 2007, from ABI/INFORM Global database. (Document ID: 348128281).

 

Derr, C.B., (1975, March). Conflict – A Neglected Resource.  The Conference Board

 

Record, 12(3), 39.  Retrieved November 13, 2007, from ABI/INFORM Global database.

 

(Document ID: 1001440).

 

Noakes, M.A, Rinaldi, C.M. (2006). Age and Gender Differences in Peer Conflict. Journal of

 

Youth and Adolescence, 35(6), 881-891.  Retrieved November 13, 2007, from

 

ABI/INFORM Global database. (Document ID: 1164232181).